By Laura Levine

I am loopy approximately Laura Levine's secret sequence. Her books are so outrageously humorous. --Joanne Fluke

If outfits make the fellow, then what do Jaine Austen's elastic-waist pants and T-shirts make her? a way nightmare, in keeping with her neighbor, Lance. She does not anticipate Lance--who works within the clothier shoe division at Nieman Marcus--to comprehend. . .which is how she finally ends up vacationing his favourite boutique, Passions. whereas the couture is easily now not for Jaine, the staff's gossip is. Tiny orange-haired clerk Becky starts off complaining approximately her co-worker Giselle--a.k.a. "Frenchie"-- a brittle blonde who, while she's now not making enjoyable of consumers in the back of their backs, provides extra-marital notches to her Chanel belt. notwithstanding Jaine does not land a brand new glance, she does land a brand new activity while Passions' proprietor supplies her an opportunity to put in writing their new journal advertisements.

But while Jaine arrives the following morning to pitch her rules, she unearths Frenchie pitched over, stabbed within the neck by means of certainly one of her personal stilettos. Now all Jaine has to do is work out who hated Frenchie the main, in a case of demise by way of fashion designer knock-off. . .

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He hadn’t even gotten the half but, and he was once writing his attractiveness speech for the Oscars. truthfully, I don’t understand how mother places up with him. She’s been doing it for 40 years; i assume someplace alongside the road she should have equipped up an immunity. I parked my motor vehicle in entrance of Becky’s condo development in West Hollywood. It was once a kind of seventies-era singles’ constructions that appear like they have been thrown including Elmer’s Glue and particle board. She buzzed me in, and as I walked down the hallway to her condominium, i'll listen stereos blasting during the skinny partitions. It used to be prior seven and that i used to be ravenous. Feeling to blame approximately that Eskimo Pie I’d had the evening earlier than (okay, Eskimo Pies), I hadn’t eaten a specific thing all day with the exception of a bagel and 3 Altoids. So whilst I rang the bell to Becky’s residence, i used to be able to consume the curtains. Becky opened the door, having a look lovely in scorching crimson leggings and an outsized T-shirt. On her toes she wore chartreuse turn flops. Her toenails have been painted scorching red to check her leggings, with tiny yellow daisies on every one toe. “Hi, Jaine,” she stated. “Come on in. ” I stepped inside of and blinked in amazement. The partitions, like her hair, have been Sunkist orange, and the furniture—rickety outdated items she’d most likely picked up at storage sales—were painted black. i presumed I’d died and long past to that fab Halloween social gathering within the Sky. “Trick or deal with! ” I acknowledged. ok, so I didn’t quite say that. What I acknowledged used to be, “Great house. ” “I embellished it myself,” Becky beamed. “It makes particularly a statement,” I stated, smiling weakly, considering that the assertion it made used to be redesign me! “Guess what? ” Becky acknowledged. “I cooked us a steak dinner! ” A steak dinner? My salivary glands went into overdrive. “You shouldn’t have. ” and very. She shouldn’t have. It grew to become out that Becky was once a vegetarian and the “steak” in query used to be a hunk of muddy coloured tofu, doctored with a number of “secret elements” to make it flavor like filet mignon. What it tasted like was once congealed motor oil. no longer that I’ve ever tasted congealed motor oil. I’m simply guessing. yet I’m getting prior to myself. enable me begin first and foremost of what finally became out to be one of many best Ten Worst nutrients of My lifestyles. Becky sat me down at her black eating desk, set with orange position mats. “I’ll be correct out with our appetizers,” she stated, scooting into the kitchen, her turn flops slapping opposed to her heels. mins later, she got here again out with “shrimp” cocktails, really lumps of tofu rolled in paprika. “I can’t undergo the idea of consuming a terrible defenseless shrimp,” she acknowledged, popping one of many nuggets into her mouth. “Go on, try out it. It’s scrumptious. You’ll swear it’s shrimp. ” I took a chunk. It used to be like swallowing paprika-flavored mucous. “Yummy,” I controlled to assert, a wood smile plastered on my face. there has been just one means i used to be going to get via this meal, i made a decision. With a bit aid from my pal Mr. Alcohol. I reached for the glass of purple wine at my position environment and took a thankful gulp. in basic terms to determine it wasn’t wine, yet grape juice.

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