By Wendy Cope

Bargains parodies of William Wordsworth, T.S. Eliot, and Emily Dickinson, and funny sonnets, haiku, and love poems.

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For eighthly he remains the evening. For ninthly you can't wait to determine him back. For tenthly this doesn't ensue for a number of days. For having accomplished his item he turns back to his different pursuits. For he'll now not pass over his night type or his choir perform for a lady. For he's out approximately for all time. For you can't even get him at the mobile. For he's the type of guy who has been using ladies around the bend for generations. For, unhappy to claim, this idea doesn't deliver you on your senses. For he's fascinating. For he's stable with animals and kids. For his voice is either reassuring and attractive. For he drives an A-registration Vauxhall Astra property. For he is going at eighty miles consistent with hour at the motorways. For whilst I plead with him he says, ‘I’m not likely any slower than this. ’ For he's confident he understands his means round higher than an individual else in the world. For he doesn't inspire feedback from his passengers. For if he ever received misplaced there will be hell to pay. For he occasionally makes me sleep at the flawed part of my very own mattress. For he can't be bossed round. For he has this grace, that he's satisfied to consume fish arms or chinese language takeaway or to prepare dinner the supper himself. For he is familiar with approximately my cooking and is sensible. For he makes me delicate cocoa with bubbles at the best. For he beverages and smokes a minimum of up to I do. For he's keen about intercourse. For he may by no means say it really is overvalued. For he grew up sooner than the permissive society and recalls his formative years. For he doesn't insist it really is fit and average, nor does he inquire from me what i want him to do. For he has a couple of rules of his personal. For he hasn't ever been capable of sleep a lot and talks with me past due into the evening. For we put on one another out with our wakefulness. For he makes me believe like a light-bulb that can't change itself off. For he conjures up poem after poem. For he's fresh and tidy yet now not too serious about his visual appeal. For he we could the barber lower his hair too brief and is going around having a look like a convict for a fortnight. For while I ask if this necklace is okay he replies, ‘Yes, if no skill taking a look at 3 others. ’ For he used to be surprised whilst more youthful team-mates all started utilizing talcum powder within the changing-room. For his out of date masculinity is the reason for continuous merriment on my half. For this puzzles him. Rondeau Redoublé there are such a lot of varieties of lousy males – One can’t steer clear of all of them. She usually stated She’d by no means make an identical mistake back: She constantly made a brand new mistake in its place. The chinless sort who made her consider ill-bred; The practised charmer, under captivating whilst He noted the spouse and children and fled – there are such a lot of forms of lousy males. The half-crazed hippy, deeply into Zen, Whose cryptic homilies she got here to dread; The fervent formative years who worshipped Tony Benn – ‘One can’t stay away from them all,’ she frequently stated. The growing old banker, wealthy and overfed, Who held forth at the buck and the yen – notwithstanding there have been many extra errors forward, She’d by no means make an analogous mistake back. The budding poet, scribbling in his den Odes to not her yet to his pussy, Fred; The inebriated who fell asleep at 9 or ten – She consistently made a brand new mistake as an alternative.

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